


Insectklok

by Splotcher



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 15:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1190523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splotcher/pseuds/Splotcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles has a hobby and Nathan makes fun of him for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insectklok

**Author's Note:**

> Author Notes: For the Hobbies are Brutal theme month. Hope you all like it, written in about an hour.
> 
> Oh, and Metalocalypse is not mine. I like to read comments though, so please leave them below.

“WAIT! Wait, so wait.” The speaker doubled over in hysterical laughter.

 

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He would be anywhere right now, anywhere, except where the lead singer of the most influential band in the world was, if he thought it was plausible.

 

Nathan managed to control himself enough to get out his next barrage of ridiculous and insulting questions. “Do you wear the outfit? The stupid shirt and the tiny shorts and the piss hat?”

 

“I do wear…wait, what is a ‘piss hat’?” 

 

“Don’t act like you don’t know! The white hat thing that I know…I know you wear all the time!” Nathan managed to point a big finger into his chest while giggling.

 

“…Do you mean a pith helmet? Where did you even learn about those from?”

 

“Murderface told me.”

 

“…oh god. Nathan, that wasn’t his lisp. They are called pith helmets. Pith!” A raging headache was beginning to settle behind his eyes. 

 

“You sound like Murderface!” Nathan howled with laughter.

 

“I am so glad you find this funny Nathan. Now that you have gotten your requisite entertainment out of me for the day, I’m going back to work.” He tried to get past the large bulk. His office was a sanctuary. He could lock the damn door.

 

“I’m not done asking questions!” Nathan stepped in front of him. 

 

“…what else do you need to know, Nathan?”

 

If the bigger man heard the anger and annoyance in his voice, he obviously chose to ignore it.

 

“So uh….yeah…do you run around with those gay little nets? Chasing butterflies in the field like a girl?”

 

“…No Nathan. No. I prefer my butterflies like I prefer my men. Plastered off cheap beer and easy to pick up.”

 

There was a dead silence in the hall as both men digested what he’d just snapped out in annoyance. Oh god. Oh god oh god. He was so fired. He could see the headline. Charles Foster Offdenson, manager of Dethklok, fired for sexual comparisons and insensitivity to butterflies.

 

“…You can get butterflies drunk?”

 

His could feel his jaw drop. That was what Nathan was going to take away from that? And…did he actually look interested now?

 

“..Er…well, yes. You just smear a mixture of beer, honey, and a few other things on a tree trunk. They drink it, and get drunk quickly, and become easy to collect.”

 

Nathan just blinked at him. “That’s…kinda cool. Like a last meal or drink or something.”

 

He could see a window of opportunity, but it was small- he needed to get in now. 

 

“…Well you know Nathan, insect collection is…ah…quite brutal, when you think about it.”

 

“Oh yeah? How so?” The big man looks unimpressed.

 

“Well…many insects are quite poisonous and very painful. An Asp Caterpillar can bring a man of your size to his knees in seconds. Bullet ants have a sting that feels like a gunshot wound, and they scream before attacking. The Japanese giant wasp can spray poison that can melt flesh. And let’s not forget the Human Bot Fly, in which the babies…well, they live under human skin.”

 

“…That’s fucked up. We uh…we don’t have that stuff…here…like…in the Haus, do we?”

 

He considered lying just to pay Nathan back, but he couldn’t do it. “No Nathan. The Haus is clear of those particular pests.”

 

“What about…the ones you collect…are they gonna escape?”

 

“No Nathan…they’re dead. I pinned them myself.”

 

“Uh hunh….”

 

He waits, as Nathan is still digesting information and looks as if he wants to know more.

 

“Can I…uh…see them?”

 

He’s a little taken aback by the sudden 180 in Nathan’s opinion… but he would be lying if it didn’t give his pride a boost. He loved showing off his collection, and he had plenty of incredibly brutal insects to keep Nathan happy. And well….it was extra time with Nathan.

 

“I uh…I’d be happy to.”

 

“Awesome! Hey…what were you saying earlier about your men and insects?”


End file.
